‘Tis  the season of giving. Many of us are making our lists and checking them twice to be sure we are fair in our giving. But what is the real meaning of giving?

The Shadow Side of Giving

The idea of giving is highly complex and ambiguous. Many of us hold unconscious, non-coherent perceptions of giving. It’s widely misunderstood that giving is “giving up” something or putting oneself in a position of being deprived. Some are willing to give, but (often unconsciously) only in exchange for receiving goods or affection. If receiving does not occur, one might feel cheated.

In other cases, it may be painful to give, as some see giving as a virtue in the sense of sacrifice. According to social psychologist Erich Fromm in his book, The Art of Loving, “They feel that just because it is painful to give, one should give; the virtue of giving to them lies in the very act of acceptance of the sacrifice.” They live by the norm that it is better to give than receive and may unconsciously resonate with the idea that it is better to suffer deprivation than to experience joy.

The Light Side of Giving

Another way to look at giving is through the perceptual lens of coherence. Giving in this case, as described by Fromm, “is the highest expression of potency. In the very act of giving, I experience my strength, my wealth, my power.” When we feel this heightened state of vitality and potency, we experience ourselves as overflowing, alive, and joyous. In this case, giving is more joyous than receiving.

The most important sphere of giving is not of material things but of the human realm. At the highest level, the human gives his life to others. This doesn’t mean that we sacrifice our life. We give what is most alive in us: our joy, interest, understanding, knowledge, humor, even our sadness—all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in us. By giving our life in this way, we enrich the other person and enhance the other’s sense of aliveness.

When our giving brings something to life in another, it’s reflected back to us as we experience enhanced aliveness. Then it seems as though the other also gives as we share in the joy of what we have brought to life. This idea of giving and receiving can be exemplified by “the teacher who is taught by his students, the actor who is stimulated by his audience, and the psychoanalyst who is cured by his patient.”

Love—The Most Potent Gift

The most potent power given and received is love. A while ago, I tried to understand this concept because many of my clients, friends, and even myself, at times, had seen ourselves as loving but felt unloved. I wanted to truly comprehend the meaning behind giving to receive, especially love.

Metaphysically, I understood the concept through the Law of Attraction. When you believe, feel, and affirm your abundance strongly enough, you can give freely, knowing it returns back to you, naturally—it’s law. It’s the idea behind tithing. Luke 6:34 says, “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

But that doesn’t necessarily work for everyone and can be perceived as giving in order to receive. Several nuanced explanations address how this tenant is misunderstood and therefore fails to come to fruition for many, and I will address that in a future blog article. For the purpose of this topic, I wanted to truly understand the deepest meaning of giving and receiving love.

My Revelatory and Mystical Experience Related to Giving and Receiving 

My preferred method for receiving insight is to close my eyes, connect with Spirit, and ask to be shown. I usually see images or symbols. As I closed my eyes, I immediately saw the sun and its rays while simultaneously knowing and feeling myself as a ray.

To describe our oneness with God, I’d once heard the analogy that God is like the sun, and we are its rays. Just as a ray of sunlight cannot separate from the sun, we can not separate from our source. What is one can never separate. The sun, as Source, extends itself through its rays. The rays of the sun (all of us) carry its Source wherever it shines.

I’ve really loved this analogy and thought I thoroughly understood it. So, I was confused why this image came to enlighten me about how giving love enables one to receive love.

Then I remembered that I not only saw the sun and its rays but could feel myself as a ray. In my mind’s eye, I stepped out of the ray so I could look at “myself.” There was my ray, not in the glory that I would have expected, but dense and sporadically covered with all manner of junk items: an old washer and dryer, broken tools, bits of unrecognizable stuff. The ray appeared to be magnetizing these things, albeit with a weak magnetic force. Oh my gosh! That’s not what a ray is supposed to do! It’s not supposed to pull things to itself—especially junk! It extends the love and the light of its source! Mine was exerting effort—and in the wrong direction!

I repaired the image by sloughing off all the junk with a brush of my hand and stepped back into my ray. Suddenly, I felt Source powerfully flowing through every part of me, effortlessly extending infinitely outward. The feeling was indescribable! The immensity of the Love flowing through me in that mystical experience taught me the quintessence of how giving IS receiving. We give as we surrender to allow the Love and the Light to flow through us, extending out from us. In so doing, we receive unlimited abundance of Love. We do not give in order to receive something in return. At this level of awareness, giving, in and of itself, is exquisite joy!

This spiritual understanding may enlighten your giving and receiving, or it may be a little too obscure to land for everyone at this moment; so, some nuts and bolts of effective giving and receiving may be helpful.