At the Mercy of My Circumstances

Many years ago, when I was a young teacher in my 20s, I had what I would have considered at the time the worst experience of my life. As a typical firstborn, I was a rule follower and a high achiever. I received various accolades from my district, administrators, parents, and students for my creative and effective instructional techniques. I was even selected and ceremoniously recognized as one of the outstanding teachers in the district one year. However, the following year marked the most horrible year of my life, professionally. One of the worst possible things, in my mind, that could happen was to get “in trouble” for doing something “bad,” so I was constantly efforting always to be good, do my best, dot all my Is, and cross all my Ts.

To make a long story short, I had a student with a completely irrational and marauding mother whose reputation preceded her. For years, this woman relished using her writing skills to wreak havoc on her children’s teachers. The file of all her letters of complaint to the principal had become over an inch thick by the time her youngest reached my classroom. Word had it that her letters caused a previous principal to be fired unjustly. I wasn’t concerned because I was “such a good teacher.” She wouldn’t have a problem with me! My principal intentionally placed her child in my classroom for that reason and said she’d have my back. But before the school year began, that principal was transferred to a new school, and the incoming principal turned out to be a most unprincipled and devious woman, who not only didn’t have my back but made a point to throw me under the bus with this parent to save her own hide.

Actually, all was well until one day in late fall, I made the mistake of not writing a note back when this mother let me know her child was a little sleepy that day, and the wrath began. It was unbelievable! There were nasty complaining letters to me nearly every other week, copies to the principal, and even a letter to the board of education one time! She could turn any neutral, nebulous thing into something to write about, attempting to get me into trouble. OMG! My worst fears had become manifest! I was wracked with fear and anxiety every day. I had difficulty functioning; I couldn’t eat much or sleep for nearly the entire year. Later I became furious with the principal for lying, ignoring my requests for support, and undermining my best efforts. I wondered, “Why is this happening?” and “Why won’t this end?” I talked about it incessantly with other teachers, my loved ones, and other professionals, looking for a solution, a savior, a way to be rescued. One never came until I had a baby and quit to stay home and focus on mothering. But that wasn’t really a solution; it was just an escape route.

I didn’t have the tools to cope with the fear, anxiety, and anger I faced back then. In hindsight, I can see how the administrator and the district didn’t really take this woman seriously. This problem was more about my own perception of the experience than about the truth of the situation. Also, I didn’t understand the physics of fear and how I was actually perpetuating the problem with my thoughts and actions. Most significantly, I didn’t know that the more I focused on the problem, the more I got the problem. I’d never heard the sayings, “What you think about, you bring about.” “What you focus on expands.” or “Thoughts in mind, produce after their kind.”

I also didn’t realize that solutions to problems can never be solved on the level they are created. This mother functioned at a low vibration, likely out of her own fears and unresolved traumas, or her inability to source and maintain her own energy. Sometimes, creating negative emotions in others is a temporary energy fix, and it becomes addictive. But I was also trying to find a solution from a low vibration—a place of fear, not from a place of empowerment. I was addicted to talking about it—constantly attempting to source a solution outside myself because I didn’t have the tools or wherewithal to source the resolution from within.

Sometimes learning is about seeing and experiencing the non-exemplar, meaning, you learn by understanding what the concept is NOT. Now I realize that I had to understand what it’s like not to have solutions and do it all wrong, so I could discern how the solutions with extraordinary efficacy were always inside me later on. It’s also what has inspired me to teach others these principles to have more control over their fears, anxiety, and anger. As the saying goes, I wouldn’t wish the way I felt that year on my worst enemy (P.S., I don’t have any enemies…that I know of).  

Our Collective Fear

While everything is relative, my experience with fear and anxiety could be considered trivial compared to what many have and are facing these days. Many have fear and anxiety because of unresolved past trauma, the most damaging being chronic childhood trauma from physical or emotional abuse or neglect, sexual abuse, living with an alcoholic parent, or in a household with domestic violence. Children who do not grow up in a safe environment develop a belief system that the world is not safe and their brain and bodies stay in a hypervigilant, over-aroused, and fearful state. This is also true of people who experience trauma as adults.

Anxiety is a natural experience unless it occurs regularly, in which case it can have a devastating effect on our consciousness, energy, and our ability to think. Chronic anxiety breaks down our energy field like a thousand tiny cuts. On the other hand, chronic fear is like a hatchet that keeps us separate from ourselves, others, and life in general. When someone is in fear, they withdraw, shrink, or become paralyzed. Their energy pulls inward to protect themselves, and their breathing becomes shallow.

We have a global situation where we are experiencing collective fear and anxiety. An extreme version of fear became embedded in the collective consciousness of the world as the circumstances of the last two years or more caused the masses to shut down their lives. In parallel to individual fear affecting the physical body, the entire civilization withdrew from everyday life and stayed inside. Our free movements were paralyzed, and masks inhibited our breathing.

Besides personal circumstances that may instigate fear, anxiety, and anger, the entire world is plagued by fears about health, family safety, finances, and uncertainty about the future. And now, without the ability to fully process and release the previous fear, the collective attention has been thrust into fear and anger with news broadcasts of Russia and Ukraine. The mass emotions of fear, anxiety, and anger have been collectively maximized with these global situations.

The Physics of Fear

It is often said that Love is the opposite of fear. The truth is that anger is the opposite of fear. While fear causes withdrawing inward, anger moves outward in bursts of attack. Wherever we have fear, anger is near; if we see anger, fear is behind it. Fear and anger have opposite poles and are drawn together like powerful magnets holding our consciousness in a low vibration. This low vibration makes us vulnerable to other negative influences.

Fear and anger require justification to exist. The mass emotions of fear and anger have been maximized by these worldwide circumstances, especially as a high level of suffering and death are perpetuated by the media. We see frightening images and headlines and hear provocative stories and our fear and anger seem justified.

But is that a trap? Do we really want to lower our vibration? Will that help anyone? Wouldn’t we and others be better served if we acted from the vibration of Love and compassion?

The consciousness of Love vibrates extraordinarily high. Love has no opposite. It is omnipotent (all-powerful), omnipresent (everywhere present at all times), and needs no justification. This high vibration of Love attracts support, safety, and happiness when our minds align with it. This is the operative concept: We must bring our minds to the Light of Love. We cannot expect it to seek us out and change us.

Chronic fear, anxiety, and anger take away our experience of wholeness, certainty, and the feeling of being in control. So how do we reach the vibration of Love and compassion if we have difficulty maintaining full command over fear, anxiety, and anger? That may feel like a tall order if we don’t have the tools amidst the doom and gloom of misery and hopelessness, with no end in sight. 

We Can Bring Control Back to Ourselves.

First, know that our thoughts trigger fears. When we think that we are in danger, fear is generated. To reduce fear and anxiety, we need to spend less time thinking about our lack of safety and more time thinking about the possibility of positive outcomes.