Did you make a New Year’s resolution? Are you still on track?

I can't lie. I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions. The idea of doing it makes me feel weak and depleted, and it appears I have no will to do it. So, what’s wrong with my will?

Statistically, I’m not alone. According to a 2016 study, of the 41% of Americans who made New Year's resolutions, only 9% felt they were successful in keeping them. In 2020 only 27% of those surveyed even made resolutions.

I discovered many articles with advice on why our resolutions fail and how to stick to them. Reasons for failure included our goals being too lofty, too overwhelming, too vague, creating a financial burden, or taking too much time. We may also fail in meeting our goals because our goal is not exciting or interesting to us, or we've set them because we think we ought to. But then we beat ourselves up or throw in the towel when we lose interest or feel discouraged. We may also fail if we don't have a system to hold us accountable, say, a partner with like-minded goals.

Pragmatic solutions were provided to resolve these points. For example, stop obsessing over your past pitfalls and focus on the here and now. Set smaller goals with smaller time frames. Pick goals that are interesting or exciting to you. Make your goals specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. Get a partner who will be a positive support and won't drain you or become competitive. Congratulate yourself on small steps and give yourself the compassion and support that you would give a friend.

Harnessing Our Inner Power

Seems like some good advice, but can you see how all of these relate to some external action —outer work? While there is nothing wrong with setting goals to establish new habits, lasting significant change in our lives depends on our understanding at a deep level the reasons we operate the way we do. It's imperative to discern why we stay locked in self-sabotaging or self-limiting behaviors that resist change and then commit to a deeper level of change. We must change our consciousness before our behavior can change. This requires inner work.

A great chasm exists between our outer and inner powers. It seems we must pay dearly for our material achievements. Our goals may start out as stimulating. But as we become enmeshed in them, the demands on our energy, mental functions, emotions and will make life more complicated and exhausting. Ironically, we often become victims of our achievements.

The only way to offset this danger of losing control in our efforts is to develop inner powers through inner work. Unfortunately, our culture does not teach us that inner work is even a thing to know, understand, or do. I could write a whole book on this topic, but for today I'll focus on one of the most fundamental and potent inner powers—WILL. This is unrealized in most of us. 

Will is a power at the core of our being. The function of will is to decide what is to be done, apply the necessary means for its realization, and persist in the task in the face of all obstacles and difficulties. But will doesn’t necessarily work when we intellectually impose a goal on ourselves for some established time.

It’s our challenging experiences, circumstances, and relationships that activate the power of our will from within. In his book, The Act of Will, Roberto Assagioli, M.D. writes, “When we are actively wrestling with some obstacle or coping with opposing forces, we feel a specific power rising up within us; and this inner energy gives us the experience of ‘willing.’”

The Point of Choice

As this power rises within us, a point of choice becomes apparent. Every human has two sets of dynamic energies that can act at this instant and guide our choice.

One we could call power. Power appeals to the part of human nature we consider noble, arises from meaning and principle, and is associated with supporting life itself. It is expansive and allows us to use our will and intentions to move out of pain, judgment, and uncomfortable feelings into a state of awakened, expanded, balanced expression. This power impels us toward wholeness and the full functioning of all our innate capacities with confidence in the face of whatever the external world presents. This energy spirals us upward.

The other we may refer to as force. By definition of the basic laws of physics, force is always met with a counterforce that is always limited, separating, and polarizing. This force is contractive and causes us to cling to a false sense of safety and defensiveness. These are coping patterns to deal with fear, anger, shame, or blame that we established during early life as a protective response to trauma and/or unmet needs. It causes us to hang on to the past or be afraid to take chances or jeopardize what we already have. This energy spirals us downward.

We may need help uncovering and correcting our lack of resonance with our basic needs for safety, belonging, love, respect, and self-esteem, which prevent us from achieving our goals.

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

This force that holds us back can also be activated by a fear of pushing through a glass ceiling to our upper limits. Part of what we need to identify and heal is our hidden fears.

• We hold back because we may fear we are fundamentally flawed and believe we don’t deserve success and happiness.

• We may fear that if we succeed, we’ll leave those we love and care for behind. We unconsciously feel like succeeding would be disloyal, and success would make us feel guilty. Or, if we have greater success, those we love may abandon us, and we could end up alone.

• Another unconscious fear is that success may bring greater burdens to ourselves and others. 

• If we’ve been bound and constricted, we may be afraid of the expansiveness of independence and freedom that comes with success. 

• A common fear among talented and gifted individuals is that shining too much will make others feel less than or look bad. So, we put the proverbial bushel basket over our light.

I have and am currently resolving some of these hidden fears and know firsthand how challenging it can be to overcome them. Most of us have internal upper limits that qualify the amount of success, love, abundance, and health that we allow in our lives. There may be behavioral reasons that block our success, but most issues are found within. In the end, sustaining happiness and success is an inside job.

We Are Designed to Grow

The good news is that everyone is imbued with an intrinsic desire to grow and become everything we can be despite obstacles. Within us is a mechanism for attempting to grow regardless of conditions or difficulties which have impeded our natural growth.

Some people also have an innate drive or motivation to move beyond their current situation, releasing all pain and judgment and moving to higher levels of awareness, understanding, and knowing. This type of motivation is actually our natural state. Children exhibit this with their joy in discovery and play. This type of motivation is seen in people inspired by the endless delight of learning, exploring, and growing, which leads to feelings of peace, joy, and infinite generosity.

The extent of our growth depends on how much we are willing and able to peel away and release inhibitions, unconscious patterns, and constraints on our inner nature so that we can truly be our radiant selves. We can take all the well-advised steps in the world, but without addressing the hidden motivations for our behavior and cultivating our inner powers, our desires and goals may remain unreachable.  

Ask Yourself WHY?

Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, “He who has a why to live for can endure any how.”

If you have felt that sense of will activated within yourself and you want to optimize its potency to achieve your goals, the best step is to aim to deeply understand why you desire this goal and what motivates you to achieve sustained progress. If you don’t know why you are doing something, it’s hard to handle the set-backs, and a crisis of a loss of purpose may ensue. One needs a sense of purpose. Meaning and purpose in life is not found in objects, people, or activities but rather in the pursuit of them.

Everyone has a soul that yearns. Everyone has a soul that is rich and seeking. Your fulfillment in life will be determined by how well you choose goals that match your soul’s desire and execute your commitments to see them through. In this context, a commitment is falling in love with something and then building a structure of behavior around it for those moments when love falters. These structures help us stay in line.

Don’t think of these structures as restraint. Instead, think of them as providing the freedom of capacity. For example, the freedom of playing the piano entails tying yourself down and practicing every day.

When you make these commitments, you improve your character. For example, when you have a child, and you’re off for the weekend, rather than doing your own thing, you choose to play with your kid. And in that way, you cultivate your character.

Worldly success and spiritual fulfillment have a peculiar relationship. Jesus said it’s harder for the rich person to enter the kingdom than the poor person. Because the lives of the poor and hungry are broken, they have the capacity to receive. They also tend to be much more generous than the rich person. They have the empathy of knowing what it is like to suffer so they are able to share what little they have. They often have a resource deep down inside for an incredibly rich kind of life that we who are better off can learn from.

In 1883 poet Emma Lazarus wrote in her sonnet for the Statue of Liberty welcoming the homeless to the shores, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…” This epitomizes the idea that spiritual fulfillment often involves endeavors of going to the margins and accompanying or finding solidarity with the people there.

How to Work with Your Inner Self

Journaling by hand (not typing on the computer) is a powerful healing mechanism and one of the most profound ways to access your inner self. Ask yourself these questions and consider journaling your answers:

1. Is my goal characterized by a soul yearning?
2. Why am I truly seeking this goal?
3. What purpose would this goal serve?
4. Will my goal enrich or fulfill my life?
5. Will my goal directly or indirectly fulfill the lives of others?
6. How will my commitment to this goal enrich my character?
7. How will commitment to this goal grow some capacity in me which inevitably makes me feel free?

Then intend to contact your own soul’s wisdom to proactively address your greatest fears about reaching this goal. Consider journaling to allow your subconscious to answer the following questions about your greatest fears that thwart your attempts. Then proactively address what comes up by responding to yourself as though you are an all-loving parent writing the words to encourage and counsel the child within to believe in themselves.

1. What is in the way of believing I am truly worthy of living my goal?  (These beliefs probably came from your childhood when your needs weren’t met).
2. What is in the way of believing that I actually deserve it?
3. What is in the way of believing I will be able to handle other people’s reactions when I finally achieve what I long to do?
4. What burdens do I believe I may encounter if I achieve my goal?
5. What fears do I have if I become independent and free with my success or my world becomes much bigger?
6. How have I put a bushel basket over my light?

If:

• You struggle to make headway beyond coping with life circumstances
• You are unable to fulfill your yearnings and ambitions
• You are motivated to actualize your potential, talent, or fulfillment of a life's mission and want to expedite achieving your highest, most rewarding goals

Work with me to clear hidden patterns and programs, resonate with your heart’s desire, and live and experience the highest version of yourself.